Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
