Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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