So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
