No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
