Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
