I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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