Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
