she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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