shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
