Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
