I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
