Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
