hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
