finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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