K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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