I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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