between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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