you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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