He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
