So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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