i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
