is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
