Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
