I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
