Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
