I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
