i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
