Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
