is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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