I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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