Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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