How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
