How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
