You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
