She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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