Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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