I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
