im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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