her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Two words: blizzard sex
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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