were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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