Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
