If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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