All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
