he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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