i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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