Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
