so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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