College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
