I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
