i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she smelled like a LAN party
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
