She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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