no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
